Bram Stoker's illustration of vampires being sensual creatures that uses seduction to drink up blood is indeed kinky. Stoker's idealization of vampire was the 'thing' till about two years ago a bitch named Stephanie Meyer started a gig about vampires that sparkle and their unsual interest in making babies.
The whole vampire gig had been turned upside down since.
Pea-witted young teenagers fell for this whole sparkling vampires thing and it evolved into something so phenomenal it became a religion. Everywhere you turn you see giggly schoolgirls going gaga over posters of the infamous yet absolutely GAY Edward Cullen and NewMoon himbo Jacob who wears a really bad wig and goes shirtless most of the time who pines for the really dull and mentally retarded Bella.
Reasons why Edward is a pussy:
a) He just is. What the fuck is with him sparkling anyway?
b) He is a masochist.( he bullies Bella and later confesses of doing this because he loves her. Sadism anyone?)
c) Dumps Bella's sorry ass and returns later when a much better looking werewolf itching to stick his wang in her appears.
Bella is a retard because:
a) After being influenced by rumors of Edward being a killer she satiate her curiousity by bringing him into a deep forest to question him. Ponder this bitch, what if he really is a killer and he decided that YOU will be his next victim? I'd like to see you begging for your life. Perhaps if you suck his dick, he might let you go.
b) Even after Edward warns her the danger of being with him she still insists to be with him. Of course she would stick with him. She needs a change from her sorry-ass boring life to some entertainment. Like constantly being the damsel in distress and have horny ethereal creatures save her. What a thrill it must be to be piggybacked by a completely blood-drained vamp and a shirtless werewolf. Admit it bitch, you just want to rub on some male meat.
So there.
Now why Stephenie Meyer is a pubescent whore?
She wrote this book after having a wet dream.
Yes, a fucking wet dream.
Talk about writing a book on a whim.
It's just her unfullfiled fantasy morphed into desire in dreams and she decided to write it down.
Obviously someone had lots of love failures.
It's like a bimbo writing about a memoir of herself where all she talks about is how she gets indecisive about which skin-revealing cloth would make her look more trampy, diet plan for her already skeletal figure, which guy she should spread her legs to next, how drunk she should get before throwing up on someone's car and things that no one gives a shit about.
Only she would write fucking 700 pages about it.
Unbelievably retarded and despicable.
I must say, she made a complete joke about this whole vampire gig thing and now the noble dignity of vampires are gone forever. Now they are replaced by boyband vampires who sparkle.
Stepanie Meyer cant write to save the fart in her ass. Mentioning Edward Cullen resembles Adonis every three sentence and dialogues that makes no sense. I can't even begin to imagine the crap she wrote that took up 700 pages.
Listen up you Failight lovers, us sensible people want badass ruthless bloodsucking vampires who kills people on whim, not emotionally/mentally challenged boyband vamps that sparkles and makes babies.
If Bram Stoker had to see this, he would have a seizure. I am so glad he's spared all this catastrophe.
People with intelligence like us wants this:
NOT this:
is it me or does it look like he's orgasming in the sun?
You call this sexy? He looks like a goddamned rapist for heaven's sake!
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