What It Means to Me to be a Second Child

You have been warned. Absolutely whiny post to follow but these came straight from the heart.

So what it means for me to be a second child?

It means that I am secondary.

Secondary investment, secondary thought, secondary inclusion when it comes to decision making, secondary in importance. Second to everything that is first.

I am an after-thought.

When you are a second child, you probably played with hand me downs. Toys especially. The sibling before you played with the fresh, newly out of the box toy and when s/he grew out it, often times you get the well-used, a little scratchy and possible slightly malfunctioning toy that wasn't as clean as it was first unboxed. If you requested for a new toy - something that you can call your own, you'd hear the familiar "you have your brother's/sister's toys" or "what's wrong with your brother's/sister's toys?. Well, for starters...it's not mine. Implicitly we seconders are conditioned to believe that we are not worth an investment for our parents, to not be deemed worthy enough to have the respect of having your own set of toys instead of inheriting ones that belonged to someone else. Am I not worthy enough of an investment to get my own toys? Am I not worthy enough of an investment to have my own clothes and not wear something that was essentially bought with someone else in mind? Why am I supposed to be happy with someone else's leftovers? If you had no intention of giving me the respect that you displayed for your first child(ren) when it come to my material needs...why on earth did you have me?

Most seconders like me often know this in our hearts. But those who dare say it, are often labelled will-full and spoiled. Well, I guess I am. I guess I demand to be treated like you treat your first born. Maybe I actually never liked those old toys, because my taste is completely different. But since you have told me to literally not to give you extra expenses - never mind that I am a completely different human being with my own tastes. I sucked up this feeling of implicitly being sidelined because heck, I am just a spare.

Sometimes, your name doesn't belong to you. Confused? The people in my immediate environment sometimes don't use my name to call me. They use my sister's name. Because my parents are dumbfucks who named their second kid the same as their first. Who cares about diversity right. Who names their children the same name??? I am so often addressed with my sister's name that it seems pointless to have my own name. I was given my own name when I was born, yet so few are smart enough to address me as such.

These relatives and sometimes my mum (only my dad ever calls me correctly using my name)...they would address me using my sister's name. When I do not respond, I am called rude. Why the fuck would I respond to a name that is not mine? How does that remotely make any sense? On the times I am in a more foul mood, I'd snap and go on a tirade and demand that my name is so-and-so and you'd better call me that, I am told that I have ill-feelings to my sister. Well, if you have given me a name and did not respect me enough to address me using it...then why am I not supposed to be upset when I am not referred to by my name? It says something about your intelligence, or the lack of it, as well. My name is my identity, for you to not use my name, it's you not respecting my identity and my person. So, yes, my reactions are completely normal. Fuck you.

I am not even deemed important enough to be addressed by my name. Fuck you. Fuck you, very much.

When I receive hand me downs in the form of clothes, I often reject it. Wanna know why? Maybe, gee, it's not my fucking taste?
"But this is expensive!"
And? I don't want it. Deal with it. What, just because when you bought it for your first kid it was expensive I am supposed to appreciate it? You didn't buy that for me. That does not belong to me, never did. I wasn't in thought when you bought that for your first born. You are giving me this 'expensive' rag and shoving to me 'this is expensive' excuse because you want what's convenient for YOU. I am convenient. Well, I am not your convenience. I am your child. I deserve more respect that some old clothes that was worn by someone, old toys that someone else 'loved' and I'm supposed to be happy with because darn, I don't have the right to my own entitlement.

So this is something I would like to tell parents everywhere. If you produced a second child, keep in mind that there's a good chance that they're not happy with those old clothes and toys that were used by your first kid. Deep in their heart, they'd wish you thought better of them, thought they were also a worthy investment to have their own belongings. A teddy bear that was bought with them in mind, the Barbie that was chosen with them in mind, the toy cars and other stuff that was chosen with them in mind. We would like to think we are important enough as your first born too.

Think.