It's time for some real talk. Woman to girl. God knows I needed this pep talk when I was your age.
*this topic would be spoken in the heteronormative tone but will also be applicable for LGBTQI folks discovering romantic relationships*
Yes, adult women don't come out of our mother's vagina already 20 years old with life experiences. We went through confusing as hell girlhood just like you and Lord Almighty knows I am still trying to figure out this "living a life" shit.
But there are things in your life that you'd be certain about and you'd live through it with conviction. This does goes to say that this convictions won't change over time. Oftentimes what we perceived as right, can often be very wrong.
But one thing will always remain damn right until kingdom comes. Is that at the age when you're discovering your sexuality, men older than you should not be courting you.
I can totally understand the glee of having an older man showing interest in you. You'd probably think he's "seeing the woman underneath the girl", or "if he's attracted to me, then I must be really special", etc.
Honey, the fact remains is that he wants your age, not you. That's exactly why he's after you: at your age you're vulnerable. You're seeking validation and confirmation from your environment that you are something and somebody. At an age where you are also discovering your sexuality, you will be lured at the prospect of having scored an older man.
The cruel fact is, girls your age are an easy target for men of a certain type.
Let me tell you something honey, something you need to think about.
1. Why is he not hanging with women his own age?
2. If he's not attractive to women his own age, I guarantee you something is wrong as hell with him.
3. If you're under the legal age of your country, he has no business hanging out with a child.
4. Why do an adult need to hang out with children? What is up with him that he's unable to hang out with people his own age?
5. We have words for adults that hangs out with children with the intention of exploiting them emotionally, physically and sexually: Predator. Abuser. Pedophile.
If you have an adult (by the legal definition of whichever country you come from) soliciting your affections in a clear romantic way when you're below the legal age (by the legal definition of whichever country you come from), he's bad news honey. He's really bad news you run far. You run so far he can't see you over the horizon anymore.
Call him out on trying with an underage girl. Tell him to his face that he's a predator and pedophile. Tel him that if he's soliciting a child romantically he ought to be locked up and have the key conveniently thrown away.
I also think you should report this to a trusted adult (parent or teacher), law enforcement (police departments in most places have women's division for situation like this) or a friend whom you trust that can help you go through this. A friend that understands that an adult has no business talking to a child with clear unholy intentions.
A predator, abuser and pedophile is not a creepy greasy balding fat man hiding in the bushes waiting to pounce on children or that windowless white van with a guy offering candy.
It's the slow, but constant grooming of a child's psychology, their affections and how they perceive an adult that gives them attention. They do this in YOUR safe space so that you are unaware of what they're doing to you.
Children coming from broken homes are very vulnerable to this. Children from stable homes are equally vulnerable to this too.
The reason? These horrid creatures have patience. They first tackle your need for affection and attention, gain your trust, gain your loyalty and then when they have you grappled in their hooks: that's when the "favours" come in. That when the "our little secret" comes in. You feel compelled to do things that you know is wrong in your hearts of hearts, but he has completely brainwashed you into thinking this is some kind of pure love. It's not honey. It's pure emotional manipulation. A rape of your innocence.
So if an 18+ year old guy is after your 15 year old ass, you're in trouble missy. Real trouble. Confront him on so many things. Why he never talks about himself? Or talk about himself too much but doesn't have anything to prove him by? Why does everything have to be a secret with him?
If it's a relationship based on truth and honesty, there is no need to hide. When he reveals nothing and everything about himself: you got yourself some dangerous person honey. You run. You run as fast as you can. Post his face on social media alerting other girls about him, post in your local police department's FB page about him, anywhere and anything you could do help at least one girl from falling into his traps.
Sisters before misters. An older boyfriend is never a trophy. You should not feel accomplished at having snagged an older guy. There's simply no reason or excuse for an adult to want a child in a way an adult shouldn't.
I wish my mother had protected me from all those men. I wish I had an intelligent, informed woman advise me about these things. I wish I had someone to believe me when things happened to me, and my cries for help were not replied with "why were you with him to begin with". I wish I had an adult step in between me and my offenders when it was happening and told them to fuck right off off me. I wish I was not blamed for something I had no clue of.
Stop making excuses for someone who has hurt others. Instead challenge them and have them take responsibility. Too many men are getting away with their cruelty because society allows it.
It's time we have offenders be held accountable the way a female rape victim is held accountable for her violation.
This is me, an adult woman trying protect as much girls as I can, because God knows in my time no one did for me.
*this topic would be spoken in the heteronormative tone but will also be applicable for LGBTQI folks discovering romantic relationships*
Yes, adult women don't come out of our mother's vagina already 20 years old with life experiences. We went through confusing as hell girlhood just like you and Lord Almighty knows I am still trying to figure out this "living a life" shit.
But there are things in your life that you'd be certain about and you'd live through it with conviction. This does goes to say that this convictions won't change over time. Oftentimes what we perceived as right, can often be very wrong.
But one thing will always remain damn right until kingdom comes. Is that at the age when you're discovering your sexuality, men older than you should not be courting you.
I can totally understand the glee of having an older man showing interest in you. You'd probably think he's "seeing the woman underneath the girl", or "if he's attracted to me, then I must be really special", etc.
Honey, the fact remains is that he wants your age, not you. That's exactly why he's after you: at your age you're vulnerable. You're seeking validation and confirmation from your environment that you are something and somebody. At an age where you are also discovering your sexuality, you will be lured at the prospect of having scored an older man.
The cruel fact is, girls your age are an easy target for men of a certain type.
Let me tell you something honey, something you need to think about.
1. Why is he not hanging with women his own age?
2. If he's not attractive to women his own age, I guarantee you something is wrong as hell with him.
3. If you're under the legal age of your country, he has no business hanging out with a child.
4. Why do an adult need to hang out with children? What is up with him that he's unable to hang out with people his own age?
5. We have words for adults that hangs out with children with the intention of exploiting them emotionally, physically and sexually: Predator. Abuser. Pedophile.
If you have an adult (by the legal definition of whichever country you come from) soliciting your affections in a clear romantic way when you're below the legal age (by the legal definition of whichever country you come from), he's bad news honey. He's really bad news you run far. You run so far he can't see you over the horizon anymore.
Call him out on trying with an underage girl. Tell him to his face that he's a predator and pedophile. Tel him that if he's soliciting a child romantically he ought to be locked up and have the key conveniently thrown away.
I also think you should report this to a trusted adult (parent or teacher), law enforcement (police departments in most places have women's division for situation like this) or a friend whom you trust that can help you go through this. A friend that understands that an adult has no business talking to a child with clear unholy intentions.
A predator, abuser and pedophile is not a creepy greasy balding fat man hiding in the bushes waiting to pounce on children or that windowless white van with a guy offering candy.
It's the slow, but constant grooming of a child's psychology, their affections and how they perceive an adult that gives them attention. They do this in YOUR safe space so that you are unaware of what they're doing to you.
Children coming from broken homes are very vulnerable to this. Children from stable homes are equally vulnerable to this too.
The reason? These horrid creatures have patience. They first tackle your need for affection and attention, gain your trust, gain your loyalty and then when they have you grappled in their hooks: that's when the "favours" come in. That when the "our little secret" comes in. You feel compelled to do things that you know is wrong in your hearts of hearts, but he has completely brainwashed you into thinking this is some kind of pure love. It's not honey. It's pure emotional manipulation. A rape of your innocence.
So if an 18+ year old guy is after your 15 year old ass, you're in trouble missy. Real trouble. Confront him on so many things. Why he never talks about himself? Or talk about himself too much but doesn't have anything to prove him by? Why does everything have to be a secret with him?
If it's a relationship based on truth and honesty, there is no need to hide. When he reveals nothing and everything about himself: you got yourself some dangerous person honey. You run. You run as fast as you can. Post his face on social media alerting other girls about him, post in your local police department's FB page about him, anywhere and anything you could do help at least one girl from falling into his traps.
Sisters before misters. An older boyfriend is never a trophy. You should not feel accomplished at having snagged an older guy. There's simply no reason or excuse for an adult to want a child in a way an adult shouldn't.
I wish my mother had protected me from all those men. I wish I had an intelligent, informed woman advise me about these things. I wish I had someone to believe me when things happened to me, and my cries for help were not replied with "why were you with him to begin with". I wish I had an adult step in between me and my offenders when it was happening and told them to fuck right off off me. I wish I was not blamed for something I had no clue of.
Stop making excuses for someone who has hurt others. Instead challenge them and have them take responsibility. Too many men are getting away with their cruelty because society allows it.
It's time we have offenders be held accountable the way a female rape victim is held accountable for her violation.
This is me, an adult woman trying protect as much girls as I can, because God knows in my time no one did for me.
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