My Reaction to Mandy Du's article in The Real Singapore.

Once in a while, you are slapped with the reality that although the women you hang out with generally have good head on their shoulders when it comes to settling down, out of the blue, you get thrown in gems like Mandy Du, who is absolutely clear that she wants to marry a robot.

I seriously hope to God she meant this piece to be a satire because some parts clearly leans towards that way. Or at least it appears to lean towards satire. I don't know - the more I read, the more I am convinced that Ms.Du is earnest in her convictions.

Be warned though, by the end of that sparkling gem of a writing, you might end up like this:

Let's analyze her writing chronogically. Not all would be quoted here, just some that is worth mentioning the reaction I had since I believe I speak for everyone as we all read her eloquent dating resume.

"Guys who send me a FB friend request must be itching to talk to me every minute of every day. That is a sign that he is really interested in me. Anything less than that, don't waste my time. I have better things to do."

Are you like, on the perception that you're a real catch?

"If you are contacting me from interstate or overseas, please make sure you are wealthy enough to fly to Perth to meet me in person (if we have chemistry). I am not willing to travel to other states or countries on the principle that a girl shouldn't have to go the distance for a guy."

"I don't like or love people easily but if I like you, then obviously you must be special. But you have to try your very hardest for me to like or love you. I get upset easily and I have a big temper. When I'm angry, I am more vicious than a pack of hungry wolves. So I suggest you don't go there. But if you don't believe me, I dare you to try."

Excuse me, my brain just bled a little.

"I have very expensive taste and I enjoy the finer things in life. I am not a simple girl with simple tastes. I simply refuse to have a boring housewife life where I just manage the home and take care of the kids and not have a life of my own. I want a guy who will provide me with an extravagant lifestyle- he must be able to take me on expensive cruises and holidays and stay at 5 star hotels and dine at the finest restaurants and take me on shopping sprees. I want a guy who treats me like a princess all the time."

Pretty sure this how most gentlemen readers of this article looked like.

"I am a genuine and a nice person. I am thoughtful, sweet and understanding. I will go out of my way to make my boyfriend/husband happy (if he makes me happy)."

Are you sure Ms.Du? Are you really sure?

"I don't have a model figure nor am I super skinny. I don’t aspire to be like models because I am comfortable in my own skin and I like the way I am. Anyone telling me differently will get an earful of my cussing. I believe every girl is beautiful whether they’re a size 6 or 16. If you're purely after looks and if you want a slim girl I'm not it. That is a physical relationship. I don't do physical relationships because I think it's truly revolting to like someone based on looks."

I take that you look something like this then.

"I don't like dogs. I hate living with them. So if I ever get to a point where I am living with a guy and he has a dog/dogs, it or they are going to have to go. If you choose a dog over me, well firstly you're dumb enough to let a great girl go and secondly, you will never get me back so you might as well marry your dog."

"I do not believe in pre-nuptial agreements. And I will not sign one when I am about to get married. I stick by : "What's mine is mine and what's your's is mine too".

""I will not tolerate guys talking back to me or trying to win arguments. That isn’t going to work. I like having the last word. If you think you simply can’t resist snapping back at me, well….there’s the trash can and you can go sit in it."

"Hmm, let's see....I have a pretty long list but essentially I want a boyfriend who will potentially become a husband. He must be good-looking (or at least decent-looking), clean, hygenic, caring, generous, loyal and faithful. He must be patient, tolerant, kind, honest, trusting, gentle and respectful. He must also be hard-working and committed and dedicated to building a future with me and giving me a luxurious comfortable life."

You want to be the on the receiving end only and not reciprocate?

Good luck, madam.

"I will not entertain sleazy guys, rude idiots or guys that are full of themselves. There's a fine line between self-confidence and arrogance."

She haven't listened to herself speak, has she?

"I want a guy free from his past relationships and ready to commit to me and me only. His relationship history must be exactly that: history. He must not linger on thoughts and feelings for this past girlfriends. Make sure you completely get over them first. He must only have eyes and the heart for me. I will not settle for less."

She thinks the universe revolves around her!

""I want a guy who will financially provide for me. And I must be able to choose if I want to work or not. A genuinely nice guy will give me that freedom of choice. And if I work, I should get to keep what I earn all to myself. If you're scared of that, then you're not the guy for me and you should probably bugger off right about now."

Somewhere, far away in the glen, a guy breathes a sigh of relief.

"Sounds good to me!" he says as he saunters off in a field of daisies.

"I'll tell you upfront that I am looking for a rich guy. He must be financially able to pay for EVERYTHING- bills, petrol, groceries, mortgage, kids, wedding, honeymoon, etc...and I should not have to pitch in a single cent. I am NOT paying for anything. With me, there is no such thing as ‘going halves’, ‘you pay this, I pay that’ or 'let's split the expenses'- none of that nonsense. I believe the guy pays for everything and I am never backing down from that ever. If that doesn’t suit you, don’t click the ‘contact’ button. It’s simple. I was raised in a very Asian culture and this concept of halving household bills and stuff is unheard of and I am not about to start that ridiculous trend."

"I want a guy who buys me gifts, lots of gifts such as expensive jewellery, perfumes, clothes, surprise getaways, takes me out to fancy dinners and balls and is always willing to go to the ends of the earth to make sure I stay happy all the time."

"He also must not go to pubs and clubs at all- I absolutely forbid it and he must not contact or go out with female friends. I don’t have any friends who are guys and I want a guy who doesn’t have any female friends either. If you want to keep them, don’t contact me. He absolutely must not be into disgusting things like pornography."

"Also, with all due respect, please don't contact me if you are physically disabled in any shape or form. Frankly I don’t want to spend the rest of my precious life nursing a man child with a condition."

If anyone needs a nursing, it's Ms. Du's ego.

"I must be number 1 in your life. I must come before anything and anyone else. I will not accept anything less. I must always be a priority. I will not take the back seat. If you think you’re going to struggle putting me number one, I won’t be interested in talking to you. Guys with exes who are still tagging along, with children, divorced, separated, going through divorce or separation- please don’t contact me at all."

With that attitude, fat chance.

" And I can tell what kind of personality you have just by looking at your FB account details."

To be fair, everything that you have written in that article of yours speaks volumes about you.

That last bit was actually written in the earlier part of her piece but I thought I'd keep the best for the last.