Your thumb determines your orgasm

Assume we're talking about penetrative sex here. Eg, male-female and female masturbation.

Here's the thing ladies, your husband/boyfriend/fuckbuddy might be dynamite in the sack. He knows his tantric, his kamasutra and whatnot. But for the life of you, you can't ever finish even when he's pumping through you at a jetset speed.

It's not about your sex drive, it's not that you had been asexual all along, it's not that your systems are faulty.

Blame your vaginal opening and clitoris.

That's right.

Have you heard of the "rule of thumb" when it comes to female penetrative orgasm? Turns out the distance between your vaginal opening and clitoris DOES affect how easy it would be for you to orgasm.

The rule of thumb is measured on the tip of the thumb to the first joint ie the fingerprint area. The closer your vaginal opening is to your clitoris, the easier for you to orgasm. The friction in penetrative sex does stimulate the clitoris, thus enabling you to have orgasm easier than most women whose vaginal opening is a mile away from good ol' Aunt Clit.

Who discovered this? A sexually dissatisfied French Princess, Marie Bonaparte discovered that she could never orgasm from penetrative sex alone. She surmised that the longer the C-V (clitoral-vagina) distance, the hardest it is for women to orgasm. Her sample of patients (she was a doctor so she was legally allowed to do this experiment) who complained of "frigidity" were found to have long(er) distance of C-V than those who could orgasm easily (lucky bitches). Princess Marie was unfortunately one of this. She helped to establish with her very empirical and reliable stats about women's ability to orgasm.

But the good news is she did discover a specific sexual position that could stimulate orgasm from penetrative sex: both in seated position with the woman having her hips raised slightly to match her partners peen and thrusting the hips while being face to face with her partner. This enabled the peen to thrust exactly right to friction against the clitoris, enabling the revolutionary princess to orgasm.

It took one sexually disgruntled woman to help dispel the myth of frigidity for the rest of the women out there. Sisters before misters.

The good Princess identified three (3) categories of C-V distance:

1) Paraclitoridiennes: C-V distance is the shortest and easiest to orgasm.
2) Mesoclitoriennes: C-V distance is in the intermediate. Eventual orgasm guaranteed. I think this bitch would be one of those who can last the longest.
3) Teleclitoridiennes: C-V distance is the longest. Women of this category have the hardest time achieving orgasm. Hey think about it though, longer sexy time?

How you can measure this?

Sit comfortably with your legs spread apart, and put a mirror in front of you. Spread apart of your labia and observe where your clitoris is, and where your vaginal opening is. If your vaginal opening is WAAAAYYY below your clitoris with her neighbour being the anus, then you're a Type 3. If you were to put your thumb in between this space, it would fit very nicely.

If your vaginal opening is right below or very near to your clitoris, congrats! You are the lucky bitch with multiple orgasms. And squirting too. Type 1 bitch.

If your immediate neighbour is the clitoris and anus at a same distance, you're Type 2. You're also lucky!

So the next time yo man get tuckered before you do because you never seem to genuinely say "oh yes right there!" truthfully,  tell him to WERK FOR IT.

The Beguiled (2017) movie review

Been wanting to watch this movie for a long time now. I was pretty sure this was one of the movies where you need to take time to sit down and pay attention. I was right.

I cannot quite describe the genre of this movie. But Imma gonna go with psychological thriller.

In the mid-1800's America in the south, we are seeing 2 adult women and a bunch of girls living in a large bungalow in the middle of nowhere with the house pretty much unmaintained. 

With the war, many had seen/experienced death and loss. Taking shelter in the relatively safe bungalow that appears to be protected by Confederate soldiers of that time. It is later revealed that the bungalow had served as a school for girls and the adult women (performed by the mesmerizing Nicole Kidman and the very versatile Kirsten Dunst) were the teachers. Miss Martha (Nicole Kidman) owns the house.

Living isolated in a large bungalow, just hoping you won't be attacked by the enemies can pull all kinds of loopy in one's psyche. 

That until a very handsome Yankee mercenary (the absolutely gorgeous Colin Farrell) finds himself on the grounds of the bungalow, and is stumbled upon by one of the girls while she was out collecting walnuts/mushrooms. 

Fearing him but was quickly taken in by the Corporal's charming ways: the young girl escorts him to the bungalow. 

The girls are quite excited by the change that the Corporal brings, but the women are rightfully guarded. The family "matriarch" absolutely does not want him but bound by her strong sense of Christian charity, decides to nurse him back to health. 

The audience then bear witness to different interactions between the each of the girls/women with the handsome soldier. 

He was treated with the greatest hospitality and in turn was very grateful by offering to help around the house even with the bad leg. 

The oldest girl (Elle Fanning) finds herself welcoming this corporal and he provides her with the emotional validation that a growing girl often seeks: that she is a desirable sexual being. With the rest of the younger girls, he assumes the role of friendly uncle and supportive brother in order to win their affections. With the quietly suffering Edwina (Kirsten Dunst), he played the role of an understanding man with the promise of giving her something more than life.

Basically he's a chameleon that is able to take on various personas as the situation sees fit. 

The characters are brilliantly performed. You understand them, you feel them and you can definitely empathize with them. They were all so human. 

But all of it was very wrong. 

It was a situation where you are served with a deliciously cooked puffer fish but only doom awaits you if you eat it, you get what I'm trying to say?

I am surprised this movie didn't get more recognition or notice. It's very enjoyable, engaging and very well made. I honestly cannot find any flaws in this movie. I didn't even notice the time passing by I was so enthralled by everyone's performance. 

I would highly recommend this movie. Once you're settled in for your Friday movie night in your comfiest pyjamas, hot cocoa and futon, give this movie a chance. 

10/10.

Blink Threading & Waxing Studio

I saw this North Indian managed beauty parlour in Nu Sentral and was immediately impressed. Here is a successful and reliable place I can trust where the aestheticians would manage my style according to Indian beauty & fashion.

I have always liked to come here for eyebrow threading. I love how they managed to shape mine into that beautiful arch you would see on Indian actresses. And the best part is my eyebrow hair isn't exactly thick. So this place employs some really trained and professional workers.

The girls in Nu Sentral are relatively pleasant. Due to their busy schedule and traffic they tend to do their work quietly.

They also do other range of services like waxing, mani-pedi, facial, henna etc.

See here: http://www.blinkthreadingwaxingstudio.com

I just came back from their new branch in KL Gateway Mall and the staff there are pleasant too. The beautician who attended to my nail Ravin was very pleasant and personable. Her light hearted chatter was a warm welcome and I did not see the time pass. My nails are now fabulous, and I feel fabulous.

Thumbs up!

Things to consider before playing the Ouija Board

The power of Christ compels you!

Taken from www.nerdist.com

Ouija Boards, the alleged surefire means to contact the paranormal. If you don't know what an Ouija Board is, you need to get out more.

I am pretty sure you're reading this piece because you at least have some knowledge of it and is thinking of trying it out for the lols. My advice?

DON'T.

There are far too many documented evidences from users of Ouija boards confirming that Ouija Boards are all around bad news. If written accounts don't convince you, videos in Youtube will.

Now I cannot control your choices, but I can certainly offer some guidance for your own perusal.

For the past 2 weeks, I have been stressed in my work. I think this stress made me irrational and wanted to "self-harm" by dabbling in the occult and wake up some shitty demon. I researched on the rules of ouija boards combined with my own prior personal experiences with the paranormal, I saw some consistencies in the following:

1. Those who are vulnerable psychologically tend to be most affected by the entities summoned by the Ouija board

These can include possession, physical injuries like having their person moved by the entities, nose bleeds, scratches, dizziness and some of these entities are powerful enough to latch on to you. Remember in The Conjuring, Lorraine said the demon latched itself on the family's back? That kinda "parasitic possession" is real. I was a victim of it too.

Now you see I am not religious. At all. But I am spiritual. I believe there is a higher power that's making things around me work, but I refuse to subscribe to a religion to make sense of it. A couple-a years back, I sensed that I was being followed by something and this things, whatever it is making my life miserable. It was literally making everything go wrong for me.

I don't like visiting temples or any religious places you see but some odd days the dadster manages to placate me enough to give in. So in I went to this temple and the priest would not stop staring at me. I thought that old decrepit had been celibate so long he can't hold it in any longer.

Later we went to see an astrologist. Because we Indians get anxious if someone doesn't tell us something about the future. The astrologer would not stop staring at me.

Halfway he said, "there's an imp latched on your shoulder. He has his demands". My family went dead silent like, wtf.

He said I am lucky that the imp only wanted food, not something of greater value (if you know what I mean).

He instructed me to leave some rice and drinks at an old isolated tree. I did that. The effect was almost immediate. I felt lighter, and things started working for me again.

When I was younger, I have had paranormal entities physically assault me.

So if you're the kind of person that's susceptible to paranormal things, you want to truly consider the risk of playing the ouija board.

2. Paranormal things tend to gather in places where there are less human breath

You heard me right. Paranormal things actually have low tolerance for human breath. Human breath has a lot of "life" and they can't stand it. The more isolated a place is from human breath, the place would have higher density of entities.

I have watched videos where these audacious kids would go to an abandoned tunnel, asylums and forest and try to get in touch with something. The success rate in these settings would be high, and the risk of contacting a hostile one is even higher. My advice is to prepare yourselves fully with foolproof escape routes and protection before trying to contact entities in isolated settings.

3. Settings where there were a lot of sufferings had taken place, tend to be the most "dense".

Places like hospitals, mental asylums, former war zones, prisons, torture sites and generally sites where people had died of horrific death tend to have the most density and toxicity. Ghosts who were victims of rape, murder, accidents, natural disasters tend to be a hateful type too. Places like this in local Malaysian language we call them kotor - dirty.

This is where you will find entities that are so at unrest they WILL harm you if given the opportunity. Summoning them using ouija board would empower them. So if you are thinking of choosing a kotor place to summon an entity/entities...you must do this at your own risk.

4. Never say their name out loud

If you have asked their name and they spell it out, NEVER say it out loud. Saying their names gives them power. Common names that crop up during an ouija board session is Zozo, ZaZa, Abacus, MaMa, Oz, Zo, Za. Only read the names, don't say it out loud.

5. Always say goodbye

Saying goodbye means you are cutting off contact with the entity with our realm. Summoning the entity via ouija board means you are opening a crack or a portal to our realm and allowing these entities to communicate with us. Saying goodbye means you're sending them back to their realm.

6. Never use the same Ouija board after the first use

The first time you use an Ouija board should be the only time you use it. After the first use, discard the damn thing. Don't burn it. Just destroy the thing enough that it's rendered unusable.

I took a long time to write the comments and I would appreciate a feedback. Occult and the paranormal is something I am interested in so I would love to hear your own stories of the paranormal!

This piece will be edited should I have something new to add. 

Poo-Pourri Review: It's Pooptastic!

I made that lame ass pun on purpose. 💩

Ever since this advertisement came out a couple of years back, I was most intrigued. But too bad the product is not sold in Malaysia and it's very expensive if bought over online.

I thought I could just request this as a birthday present if the time comes to it or look for it when I am abroad somewhere.

Which happened exactly that way, I was in Singapore in a famous mall and it was by off-chance that I saw this in a gift shop while looking for a fridge magnet as souvenir! I bought this at SGD$16.90 at Monoyono@Vivocity. Exchanged to Malaysian Ringgit it's not as expensive as its online price. I bought the smaller bottle at 59ml of the Poo La La scent! My understanding is this scent is discontinued! Which means I got this at miraculous circumstances!

My baby <3 p="">

Now you may ask, if you were dying for this why did you not get the biggest bottle? While I am excited and amused by the novelty of this product, I only have reviews on the internet to go by. The reviews were 98% positive and a friend of mine said she used it and it really works, I wanted to play it safe. After all, my poop smell is known to linger for an hour before dissipating (yes I have nasty asshole so what) I am of the understanding that no amount of shit perfume would be able to tackle 'em. 

I have never been so happy to be wrong in my life. I have used this about 4 times now and my goodness, this really works. I took a massive shitter the other day and my mother was able to use the toilet right away. Usually she would wait before using it. I have never been happier to smell the scent of rose and orange after every "plop". Even after flushing the pleasant smell lingers. NO TRACE OF YA NASTY ASS BROWNIE! 

I have decided to use this for my travels, when I am out and about and for when I am at work. Travels because I usually share a room when on holiday with the fam, and if I am out with my girls and I need to dump a load the next person using my stall would not faint from the nastiness of it all. 

I'd like to think I am a polite person! I want to recommend for my company to perhaps make the budget to have a bottle of these in each stall. One too many times I have walked in to a stall only to reel from disgust because the stench of shit of the previous user was too overwhelming. And how many people in my office have thought the same thing about my ass product? Maybe I could influence them to follow my footsteps.😎

I am thinking of getting the Royal Flush scent for my daily use. 💪😆

One thing I'd like to comment though: The bottle leaks a little bit. Maybe Poo-Pourri can work on tightening the nozzle. 

This is an honest review from a very satisfied customer who purchased this product on her own money and tested it on her own time and circumstances. 

What Does a Muscular Ectomorph, Mesomorph and Endomorph Look Like?

The burning question I have been asking for many years. There seems to be no actual-person visual representation available apart from some line drawings of how they may look like.

Princess Ganga is here to save your peasant ass, as her own journey on fitness made her do her own research. Back to first person narrative.

When you google what does a muscular ectomorph/mesomorph/endomorph looks like, you would normally get this:

Or this:

Now THIS is what I wanted to know. Fat and muscle distribution on the specific body types.

But I struggled to find a human who would give me an actual real-life example.

Now behold.

Ectomorph:

Ectomorphs are the kind of people you wanna hate. They don't gain weight easily, so these are the fuckers that can pig out and never seem to gain weight. Fuck ectomoprhs. 

A real life example of who possesses this body type? Youtube Fitness Guru and Model Scott Herman.

Notice how small and narrow his shoulders are? And how his shoulders, the sides at his ribs and hips seem to be almost the same measurements? Ectomorphs are characterized by their distinct "rectangle" shape: measurements of shoulders, torso and hips are quite the same. Ectomorphs' lean muscle distribution is all over the body. When Ectomorphs puts on muscle, the pectorals would stand out the most. Scott Herman also has a fine bubble butt, and I may have saved a couple of pictures in my folders. 

Mesomorphs:

Mesomorphs are the kind of body most men covet and most people find attractive. Male Greek sculptures are usually depicted with the mesomorph body type.When a mesomorph puts on muscle, the body type is aesthetically appealing. Broad shoulders with the torso cascading to a V-shape ending in a slim waist ie the infamous "inverted triangle" shape. The Mesomorph is pleasing to look at, but does not do well in strength. Sure, the muscle is beautifully distributed on the upper body, but because the mesomorphs waist is tiny compared with usually twice as big broad shoulders, there can be back problems. I am a mesomoprh and you will also see female versions down below. 

The best example of a mesomorph body, apart from Hritik Roshan, is Indian actor Vidyut Jamwal. Cue drool. 

I admit that I am a slut for this body type. But the body type that makes me cream my knickers off, is...

A muscular endomorph:

An endomorph when gain muscle tend to retain their signature rounded belly: ie the "apple shape". A pair of powerful arms & upper back against a taut belly is to DIE for. These guys are the powerful ones. May not be stereotypically attractive like the mesomorph, but a muscular endomorph is the true powerhouse body. 

Who has this body type? None other than Tom Hardy as Bane in the third Nolan's Batman installments. 

Oh, mama. Oh damn son. Oy....

*clears throat*. 

 This is by far the most beautiful example of a muscular endomorph. We all can thank Tom Hardy again when he retained this body for his MMA movie Warrior. *swwoooonnnnn*. You know when in movies they show the "strongmen" punch the tooth out of someone? A muscular endomorph can actually break your skull. Characterized by their upperback strength, you don't want to be in a chokehold with these guys. 

Now, for the ladies! 

What does a muscular female mesomorph look like? Like Youtube Fitness guru Tiffany Rothe. 

Oh mama, you fine. 

Because a woman has naturally wide hips anyway, a muscular female mesomorph would have this beautiful hourglass figure that'll rock any dress! Yes, female mesomorphs are the coveted hourglass figure. 

What does a muscular ectomorph look like? This athlete right here. 

Her shoulders, torso and waist are more or less the same measurement, giving her the distinct "rectangle" shape as her male counterpart. If she dons a bikini, her body would look "well balanced". 

What does a muscular endomorph look like? Bear in mind, a female endomorph is a "pear" shape while a male endomorphs is an "apple shape". Powerlifter Liane Blyn is the best example available out there.

Notice how she still has some chubbiness. Her arms especially. Endomorphs in general tend to retain their "body softness".

Here she is doing what she does best! Notice how her waist and below is bigger than her shoulders. Endomorph women's defining trait are their ample thighs. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this just as much as I took the time to research about it. 

Things You're Not Told About Menarche

You know the exact moment you discover that your uterus lining decide to break apart and ooze messy, weird smelling blood and clots? That's what menarche is. It's your very first period.

Every girl experiences it differently. Some girls feel no pain and they just discover some smudge of blood on their panties. And they're like, oh!

Some girls have a more dramatic experience: the lower abdomen twists from within causing sometimes vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, headaches, lethargy, mood swings, cravings, crying episodes, the whole human mess thing.

Here's my experience of menarche. I was 13. It was during a class. I had this very uncomfortable pains on my lower back, like something was swollen and it was throbbing. Sitting was agonizing. By lunchtime, I felt something "goopy" coming out of my vagina. I ran to the girls, and woah! Mass of putrid brown-black clumps. It was jelly-like and solid so I could collect it (with tissues ya nasty!) and flush it down the toilet. I saw traces of blood. I knew then that I got my period. Luckily the girl's bathroom in my school had a pad dispenser so I was able to purchase one and set myself out. I called my mother and asked her to pick me up because I was nervous, scared and wanted desperately to be at home. This was huge. This was the moment where I am gonna have to relive this every month until menopause sets in. I was extremely overwhelmed. I just wanted my mother by my side.

I should consider myself lucky: My cycles are only 3-4 days and I am what you call a light bleeder. I don't need heavy duty pads at all, except for my second day. My pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) include extreme cravings, water retention, diarrhea and constipation, moodiness and discomfort on my lower back. I am swollen EVERYWHERE.

The reason why your menarche would most definitely be a mess of putrid black-brown clumps and goo is because that particular batch of uterus lining had been sleeping inside your uterus since you had formed your gender in your mother's womb. That's right: when you were a fetus, and when your fetal development had come to a stage where your biological gender had taken form, your uterus lining had already formed. Basically a ticking timer ready to come out when your biological clock decides "Hmn, time for this 11 year old to bear children!".

Oh yes, some girls get it when they are 9 years old, some get it when they are older like 16-17. There is no 'right age' to get your period. You get it when you get it. The common age is between 12-14 years old. Getting it younger or later than most girls in your class does not mean your systems are faulty. HELL NO. Obliterate that toxic thought from your head this instant!

Factors like nutrition can contribute to when you get your period, but your genetic plays a more powerful role. Remember that.

After your menarche, it may take up to 2 months for your body to find its cycle. The month I got my menarche? I had a second period 2 weeks later. This cycle was also a putrid black-brown mess. The next month, I had it for only 3 days and it was all very light. The third month is where things have started to settle down and I could see a regular pattern settling. I saw no more of that brown-black clump. From that point onwards I could see that the PMS symptoms I mentioned above is something that I can anticipate before the Kraken in my uterus is unleashed. The minute I get my period, all PMS subsides JUST. LIKE. THAT.

Your menarche may be painless or it can hurt the living bejeesus out of you. Your period can be 3-4 days like mine, or it can be 5-7 days like most girls. Your symptoms can be so extreme that you need to take leave from work or school, or you barely feel it. You may need to use extreme absorbency pads, or just a lightweight one. You may find that tampon works best for you. Trust me when I say it would a journey of discovery. You will try with many brands of tampons and pads before you settle with one that suits your cycle the best. You will find out what coping methods are the best for your pre and post menstruation. You will find that apart from pads and tampons, mooncups are also an option.

Your physical changes will lead to emotional changes. You will discover your sexuality. Your will start to get interested in knowing more about sexuality. You may research about safe ways to go about it. This is where you will need to engage with a trusted older female in your life to ask questions. NEVER be afraid to ask questions.

A website that helped me in my teens to understand my "growing pains": http://www.scarleteen.com/