AlyBongo : I Deserve To Be Raped

A passionate PSA derived from the personal experiences of the vlogger. If you're male, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A MALE, you must watch this.

Kuma-Chan Receives His First Knitted Scarf.

Actually, this is more of my own very first knitted project. I have practicing techniques a bit, and decided I should use up my remaining yarns (at this point they're were so little in amount they're basically scraps) and it'll turn out to be a multicoloured as expected.

My sistah ordered a set of handmade & handpainted knitting needles - ChiaoGoo Blue Flower Knitting Needles from Etsy.

Packaging, this shit be trippy yo.

Baris, Baarriiisss - SEDIA!

Largest size in the whole wolf pack. This be the knitting needles I used for me project arrr...!!

I think I'll just let pictures do the talking from this point onward.

Before someone comes in with their high horses tryna bash me saying this is poor quality, Imma dish you some facts.

• This is is my ACTUAL FIRST KNITTING PROJECT. I was gauging my technique, tension, and even experimented with rotation.
• I know that first few bit where the yarn change is super visible, and in fact that is not at all how you change yarn colour but change yarn of the same colour.

• Just let it slide this time, mmkay. After all, a professional was once an amateur. 
• I have been studying a lot on knitting, so expect my next work to be a little better.
• For now, shut up and be happy that Kuma-Chan won't be cold at night anymore.

Now go back to your life.

My Retail Re-tale

So.

Pardon the long absence, the dust bunnies on my blog accumulated so much I had to clean it first before posting anything.

So.

I guess those who are close to me isn't a stranger to my first, actual new job that entailed working in retail, in a remainder bookstore.

I won't name it, those who know it, please keep it to yourself. It's in my contract that I agree to not shit about my workplace in the event that I leave it. That's the reason, really.

I have so much to babble about I don't know where to begin really, but it's mainly about the customer service part.

IT SUCKS.

SUCKS BIG TIME LIKE OLD MAN'S BALLS.

I used to be the asshat that laughed at posts in NotAlwaysRight.com. I laughed at the miseries of retail and service workers. Until I became one myself, I hadn't known that the struggle, pain and misery is real.

I was a floor staff, which meant I did the grunt work of removing and reshelving and placement of the books. Despite the physical labour part of it, it was an interesting work, really. You only see the books being placed on the shelf ready for your browsing but you don't know the behind the scenes part of it. I felt blessed to be a part of it. Being the one to unbox the new arrivals also means I get the first glimpses of any awesome new/much sought-after books. =D Believe me when I said I utilized this privilege wholly. =P

I agreed to this job because I was often turned down in job interviews with the same excuse - I don't see any customer service/sales experience. Shall I offer you a [insert low-paying job which I am way overqualified for].

It was distressing and heartbreaking and a tad depressing, to say the least.
I saw my local bookstore has permanent vacancy for the same position I applied and I got the job in like, a jiffy, quite literally.

Or maybe the desperation on my face was evident so they hired me.

I was ecstatic, finally! A job of my own. Something I will earn my keep for.
The first few weeks was tiring but enjoyable. But as it went on, I found myself losing my humanity, my innocence and most of all the light in my eyes, little by little being sucked by fucktards. Read that as customers.

The culture in my workplace is that you have to seek out to teach yourself and learn skills, like Customer Service procedures and Cashiering. Which I proudly declare because I am an introvert and I managed my hatred reluctance for people interaction and sucked it up anyway.

It doesn't take a genius to know that the experience was less than pleasant. Here's some incidents that broke me.

• Cashiering

1. This man had finished his transaction and later came back because he wanted a special promotion book. He slammed the book on the table and asked the book to be included in his previous transaction because he wants his membership discount on that book, which can only be given when the bill of a certain amount. Of course new book would mean a new transaction altogether but this man was recalcitrant, becoming a bully and demands to see the manager. Not wanting to distress other customers I set out to call my manager, even if it means putting my current customer on wait. When I came back, the man was gone and a co-worker had filled in for me. She told that he became embarrassed of his own rowdy behaviour and left without further incidence. This is not the only person who pulls this sort of shit, there were many more, and I suspect there won't be an end to this kiasu attitude.
2. Again, on weekdays, it was customary to have about only one cashier operating at one time as the crowd is substantially lesser than in the weekends. Again, I was the filler as the same coworker had gone to buka puasa. The line was long but at this point I had mastered the cashier system so I was quick to finish the transactions, I would admit the customers didn't wait long at all. Then came this assfucker who, after I had finished his transactions, rudely asked why am I the only cashier? "I had to wait for a long time!". So did the others. I had to tell him the cashiers had all gone to buka puasa and I was the only non-muslim staff available. With a scoff, he turned on his heel. Have a nice day to to you too, sir.
3. I was again the filler for the coworker who had gone to buka puasa, and I suddenly found myself entertaining a long line of customers. Mind you that I was the only cashier available. So it was this lady's turn, she came with her teen-aged daughter and said to me "It's okay, take your time. I am also sometimes slow like you.". Maybe she forgot that calling someone 'slow' in English means calling the other person stupid, or maybe she was well-aware of the nuances and didn't give a fuck because she's an arrogant bitch who had never had to work in retail. If I say I was taken aback would be an understatement because her insult affected me and I messed up her transaction as a result; which didn't help that I was already 'slow' in her eyes. My colleague came to help, luckily the matter was resolved in no time. The 'slow' jab the bitch made didn't help my mood for the rest of my week, so much so I have avoided any cashiering since then. I'd like to preserve what's left of my dignity, thank you.

• Customer Service.

Where do I even begin with this? 

1. We have MANY, disgustingly MANY customers who come in to exchange their books because they no longer find it interesting or that they have bought the wrong copy, or they simply don't want it anymore. We only have return/exchange policies for damaged books, not the cases mentioned above. Because really, in what way is it okay to ask for exchange because you made a mistake? I have been a customer to bookstores too and I wouldn't even think of exchanging a book because I bought the wrong one or somethin'. I'd merely sell them to a 2nd-hand bookstore or give it away as a gift. Books are never a waste. So assfuckers like this come in strolling like they own the joint asking for exchange and we must be really strict in doing so. Guess how many of them left amicably? Count the leaves of a tree in autumn.
2. Sometimes customers bring a plastic-sealed book, and if we don't have a browsing copy we open that copy for 'em. Many a time, the books are the last copies. Customers sometimes demand that the book be sold cheaper than it already is, simply because it is a last copy. If it was slightly damaged or dog-eared, I would have gladly come to some sort of compromise but it if it still brand new, jangan harap lah. This is a remainder bookstore, the books are already dirt cheap. You are not even buying 2nd-hand books, these are original books at an extremely discounted price, what more could you want? Kurangkan bangang. I even have customers who argue with the cashier that they want their perfectly good condition book in lesser price because "no one reads this author anyway". That'll be RM9.90, please. 
3. After purchasing a certain amount, customers can get a free membership. They need to fill out a form, simple enough as it is and the data is key-ed in and voila! You're a member. Most people would feel privileged to have such a simple and quick process but there are those who argue that they don't want to fill up anything, "Just give me the card". This is where I will tunjuk berang and ask in a stern voice "say suppose you forgot your member card, you need only give your name or IC and it will show up in the system and you can enjoy our discounts. If we don't have your particulars, how would we give you your discount?" Grumble, grumble, filling out form, grumble, grumble. Bukan main hegeh nak discount but you're not giving the means to do so? What the hell.
4. We have free gift-wrapping services, and 99% of the time, customers leave with a big smile because not only do they get their books wrapped for free without spending a dime on wrappers, our talented CS staffs does them most prettily. One time, this woman bought a bunch of books - and wanted them gift wrapped in the speed of lightning. "My husband haven't eaten! We're rushing!". I was on floor but I saw that the CS was understaffed, I set out to help. There is an agreement among us staff that obnoxious idiots like this we would get rid of them as quickly as we can. On my defense, this woman was shouting and making a huge fuss that other patrons were starting to get uncomfortable. I started to wrap her books when she stopped me and said "NO, NO, NO! I want them wrapped with a pattern like this!". The more experienced staff has a method of folding the wrappers in a way that the final product has some diagonal lines at the front, which I didn't know how to do. Understandable, because it is her right as a customer to want her books wrapped a certain way. I just couldn't stomach it when she went to my MY BOSS at her workstation and demanded that she leave whatever she is doing and help her wrap her books. She then proceeded to the CASHIERS and told them all to stop what they were doing and asked them to help her wrap her books. Okay, if the cashiers are occupied with her, and other customers want to make their purchase, who the fuck is gonna do the transactions, I wonder? Kurangkan bangang. At last her husband has had enough of her ridiculous antiques and probably told her to behave in Chinese because she quieted down after that. This was the most ridiculous incident in CS I had ever come across. 
5. The customer who just couldn't find his/her items when it is just on eye-level and complaint that we gave them the wrong info. I encounter this particular species all the time and I am not ashamed to say I will make it a point to escort their sorry ass to the shelf and pointed say "It's right here, how could you have missed it?" and walk-away. Rude, I know. Whatever, I have never liked people except for a selected few. Mind you, those who do come back and were super nice/sweet about not being able to find their book, I would gladly bring them the book and get the nicest copy for them from the shelf. It's the asshole ones that I would tunjuk berang, the nice ones memang I would go all out to help. 

Working in retail had allowed me to open my eyes to a whole new thing, diminishing my ignorance for the better. I am now well-aware what people in the service industry had to put up and shamefully, I might have contributed in being an asshole customer before my wonderful existential experience in my latest workplace. It's the one thing I must thank my workplace for - is to open my eyes and make me into a more decent fucking human being. I will never, ever again be needlessly kiasu to servers. People behind the counters are human beings. Arguing with them doesn't get you anywhere. They don't have the power to decide anything more advance than their job specs. If you give them hell of a time, I hope that's where you will end up when you die in the future. 

Protip for asshole customers. Siapa makan cili, dia rasa pedas.

• Don't argue with the cashier. They only finish up your transactions. Don't tell them that they're 'slow' or 'hurry up' or god forbid, demand a discount because you were made to wait for your turn like everyone else. Always remember she/he might new to this and is learning the best way she/he can. Every expert was once an amateur too. 
• Don't let off steam to people in the service industry because you had a bad day, we did nothing to deserve the brunt end of your pissbaby mood.
• Don't publicly humiliate CS personells or floor staffs (I have never been in this situation as a floor staff, just in CS and cashiering), it says more about you than it does about the staff. Ponder on that. 
• Leave your kiasu attitude at home, we are Malaysians, not Singaporeans. If anything, we Malaysians are famous for being friendly and amiable. Live up to the reputation, please.
• Don't ask for discount if it is the last copy of the item. You don't get brownie points for graciously accepting a last copy. You pay up like everyone else. Unless the item is in less than savoury condition, allow me to speak with my supervisor to give you your money's worth. 
• If the store is obviously using computers for everything, don't take it out on the staff when the system is not at its best. If the computer is lagging or simply having a bad connection, we are as helpless as you. Don't you ever had computers or phones that simply wouldn't work that particular day for some strange reason? 
• If the store is near closing, don't bring your ass sauntering around our store because retail has a 9-hour shift and the staffs are tired. Have a heart. Don't be a 5-minute pest. 

I am yet again jobless. Like I said, I just want this to job as a experience. My research told me potentials with experience in retail have a high chance of being hired in other job industries so I am counting on that. 

This gif succinctly describes my before-after state working in retail.

This had been a angst-filled, rant-y post, an honest re-account my experience in retail. Not all of it was unpleasant, my coworkers are the sunniest, happiest and friendliest bunch I have had the privilege to get to know. My coworkers literally made things easier for me. I am forever indebted to them for being so awesome at their jobs. 

For your perusal. 

a) 8 Infuriating Customer Types. 

Turn of the Screw / The Innocents (1961)

 

                             


Watched the movie The Innocents last night after I got bored reading Ouija Board testimonials at sometime around midnight. The thing is, it is an adaptation of Henry James' Turn of the Screw and when  I read the plot summary in Wikipedia, the movie plot was close to book itself. I guess a visual  representation of the movie would greatly help someone to intrepret this seriously open-ended book.

This is my interpretation: I think each of the characters had an individual malady that somehow had been  mistakenly bunched together as one connecting event.

If we look at each of the characters' 'malady', we would see why the governess intertwined the supposed  haunting to the children's obvious unstable state of mind.

1. The Governess (Ms.Giddens in the movie, unnamed in the book apparently)

Her assignment as the governess to the Bly House children was her first. Though dedicated and  passionate, she is inexperienced and nervous. Being away from home and nervous on what kind of  children she would deal with, Ms. Giddens had already shown signs of impending (great) stress. First, Mrs.Grose's casual remark about the devil got Ms.Gidden's shaken up a little. Strange, I thought. Later it is  revealed that she grew up in a warm, loving house of large religious family. So remarks about the devil got her reeling a bit. She had only known love and comfort, and does not comprehend, nor acknowledge serious symptoms in children that needed intervention. It is like she unconsciously refuse to admit that her wards are pair of children with serious mental illness.

2. Miles

He came across as a charming and polite boy. But the way he speaks tells me something was off about him. At first I simply thought since he is with adult more than children his age, he adopted an adult's speech. But then his behaviour consequently rang all sorts of alarm bells. The first one was the sexually charged poem he recited during his role play with his sister. Only an educated person with a strong  inclination towards literature can decipher a poem. Ms.Giddens was distressed, as she was rightfully so. Children that age shouldn't have come across poems like that and show signs of understanding the meaning behind that poem! The second one where he uses phrases like 'My Dear'. One would think he is just mimicking the high-society gentlemen he might have seen chatting with ladies but the more he shows abnormal reactions to things, the more I became suspicious. When Miles kissed the governess goodnight, right on the mouth like a freaking adult, it confirmed my suspicions that Miles was sexually abused. It could be Quint, the former handyman who used to live in the house, or someone from his school. His sexual abuse, his loneliness of having dead parents with no one to turn to but a sister and an old housekeeper who doesn't really raise them added, and turned him into one messed up little boy.

3. Flora

This girl creeped me out since the beginning. She says things that comes across as simply a child with high imagination, but if you really took her words into perspective - you would see that she was extremely lonely and extremely depressed (hints of imaginary friends imminent). There are times when she would simply tune out her surroundings and not realize if anyone is watching her. She has a tendency to stare into distance, which I suspect is a compulsive day dreaming disorder, a means of escapism from her boredom, sadness and loneliness. When Flora was staring ahead in a daydream, coincidentally straight ahead where the spirit of Ms. Jessel was standing, Ms. Giddens mistook this as Flora being "lured in" by  Ms. Jessel's spirit. Which is why Flora went into a hysteria when she was broken from her daydreaming reverie and a frantic Ms. Giddens pointing towards nowhere saying her dead governess is looking at her across the lake.

4. Quint and Ms. Jessel.

These two had a complicated relationship, but well-known that they were fucking each other, often times  at inappropriate times. I wanted to write them separately but figured clumping them together seems best  fit. Mrs. Grose disclosed that Quint was not a good person, hinting that he had a notorious reputation and that someone as educated as Ms. Jessel had no business dallying with the likes of him. He is also revealed to be quite good-looking, which means he had used his looks to get his way. Mrs. Grose had revealed that Quint once hit Ms. Jessel across the face and the dead governess looked like she was turned on by that violence. Hinting strongly that these two odd couples engaged in S &M sex. When Ms. Giddens walked around the house inspecting its doors and and corners, she head whispers and clear moans and groans of  pleasure such as "knock before you enter!", "the children!", "love me! love me!", "you're hurting me!". It is  strongly implied that the children had walked-in on Ms. Jessel and Quint going at it, but Quint being a depraved sort of man, did not stop and continued having sex. S & M involves some humiliation-play,  perhaps Quint 'humiliated' Ms. Jessel who was clearly naked and exposed by continuing to have sex with her while saying words like "damned hussy", "old hag" etc. We could imagine many vulgar words were
spoken during this sex act and Miles eventually picked it up. Children repeat what adult's do and say.  Miles repeated these words to his friends in school causing his expulsion. In Ms. Gidden's dream sequence, there was a very brief scene of Quint leading Miles to a small room [door?], presumably to molest him. Miles did look up to Quint as a strong male parental figure, Quint being a deprived human being, took advantage of him.

At this point you might wonder, how does all these fit in the seemingly supernatural part of the story? My guess is Turn of the Screw/The Innocents was meant to be a psychological thriller with both elements molded into one, beautifully by the author. Most people are trying to clump it in either the horror genre or the psychological genre.

Quint and Ms. Jessel are roaming around the house as ghostly apparitions because it is said people who die without their wishes unfulfilled tend to roam around as spirits. Quint who died in a freak accident obviously loved his life and Ms. Jessel who mourned the sudden death of her lover, her sexual needs unfulfilled (supplies of men who consent in S&M are hard to come by in the late 1800's), eventually had rot away with despair and consequent suicide.

Coupled with Ms. Giddens' determination to protect these sad lonely children from further harm, she came to a conclusion on what best made sense to her. A pair of couple who got separated too soon from each other are trying to reconcile/rekindle their relationship by possessing the living children. This may be the truth, or maybe the ghostly couple are merely stuck in a dimension that doesn't belong to them. Ms. Giddens is also religious, which means she is inclined to believe in the supernatural and mystic, referring to the ghostly pair as 'abominations'.

The equation:

Ms. Giddens religious background + her determination to look after sad children + the children's own  manifestations of their mental illness + wrong attribution of the governess of the children's mental illness  as ghostly possession taking place.

It is all a big misunderstanding because Ms. Giddens used the wrong approach to tackle the obvious issue  at hand - the children's unstable psychology.
This is what I mean when I said  - each of the characters had an individual malady that somehow had been mistakenly bunched together as one connecting event.

BONUS: Symbolism in the movie.

1. Butterfly on Ms. Gidden's back.
Something that is free and beautiful. Ms. Giddens can be assumed to have had a happy childhood.

2. Butterfly getting caught in spider web.
The happy and free butterfly has now landed herself on some real trouble, without her knowing.

3. Cockroach from Cherub's mouth.
Corruption. Ms. Giddens is going to face a lot of negativity/obstacles in her life, something her happy childhood had not prepared her well for.

4. Falling white rose petals.
Ms. Giddens is supposed to be 'pure' in mind. Her imminent challenges in the house will make her lose her pure mind.

5. Pendulum tapping on window.
The pendulum can be seen as a phallic object, the window as a yonic object, symbolizing the intense  sexual acts of Quint and Ms. Jessel. Moans of pleasure was also heard during this scene.

6. The dove with the broken neck
Miles was hiding a dead dove with a broken neck under his pillow. Doves had always been a symbol of  purity/virginity. A broken neck signify that this purity had been sullied, a somewhat dead giveaway that  Miles 'purity' had been compromised. The act of hiding the dead dove may signal he is keeping it secret and hidden (shame and guilt), we could imagine Quint telling the boy to not speak of their adventures together. This uncomfortable scene ended in Miles kissing the governess goodnight on the mouth, something Quint might have done to Miles, or seen Ms. Jessel and her lover do it.

7. The Bly House itself.
Ms. Giddens repeatedly says how the house is so beautiful and large. I see a isolated, desolate, bleak house with too dark an aura. Despite having lots of windows, it is still dark and gloomy inside. Many closed doors in the house symbolize a lot of painful negative memories embedded in the walls of the house. Freshly cut flowers become limp immediately, suggesting the strong maladies in the house is making the living things inside it sick. Beautiful things do not thrive there. The house, just looking at it, gives me a claustrophobic, trapped feeling. It's gothic Victorian design makes you depressed just looking at it. Strange statues and figurines of odd humans and creatures makes the house completely unsuitable for living. Seriously, why do they have random statues of men in the garden, and if Ms. Jessel really killed herself, why is she buried in a churchyard?

So yah, that's it.

Mother's Day Crochet Projects.

Mother's Day is around the corner. Although by logic you should express love to your mothers every day and just not one day in particular. Although mainstream store-bought gifts seem to be preferred by the mass, I personally think gifts should have a personal touch to them. Hence, using my recent hobby, crochet, I made about 6 doilies for the Mothership.

Never mind that I spent my one hour break during my work hunting for yarns in Daiso and spent 2 days crocheting 3-4 doilies in a day so she could have a surprise on Monday when she came back from Penang (prayers coz her mother died), only to have lukewarm response upon giving her the gifts because I know she's bummed they weren't in the colours she wanted. Well gee apologies then I can only made do with the cheap but excellent quality yarns Daiso has got to offer for me.

Anyway, despite the initial disappointment from her response, I actually enjoyed making them doilies. I had always loved doilies, whether I used them or not is another question but I just like them a lot, mmkay?

So without further ado, here are my renditions. Link to patterns will be posted.

a) The supply.

I seriously fell in love with these yarns. My favourite is the grey one and the one called Spicy Linen. I have eyes on their Kira-Kira yarn line too.

b) Doily Numero Uno: Granny Circle.

As opposed to its more popular counterpart - the Granny Square, the Granny Circle makes an equally solid and sturdy piece, with the most classic design in the world of crochet.

.

This tri-colour one was challenging to do, but the result is seriously satisfying.

This blue and chocolate combination is my 2nd favourite piece. Love the electric shout of the blue yarn and the more sombre colour of the chocolate one.

b) Mini Flower Doily

Although it is supposed to be made with fine yarn, I had used the regular worsted-weight yarn and this doily ended up being triple its intended size. Eh heh.

This was an incredibly difficult piece to do. I am never doing it again.

c) Small Flower Doily

This was the first to be made. And it remained my most favourite because I am simply crazy about the way the yarn just worked itself and its weight/feel in my hands. I am thinking to buy more of Daiso's Spicy Linen line and their Kira-Kira yarn line.

I decided to omit the V-shell seams and opted for a more traditional round shape.

c) GirlyBunches Doily and Maybelle Flower Coaster.

My favourite yarn! 

GirlyBunches Doily pattern. I made one in red - 

this one. I made this on a whim for my aunt on Mother's Day. The Mothership liked it and asked 6 doilies. I suspect she didn't like it that I made hers in grey.

I had A LOT of grey yarns left. So I made a flower coaster. =)

Maybelle Flower Coaster.

I liked this one too. Would randomly twirl and touch this between my fingers and hands. =) 

So this had been enlightening and absolutely enjoyable to make. I still have lots of yarns left from this project save the Spicy Linen one. I am not sure what to make of them. 

Any ideas? Probably more doilies I would only keep for *sangiam. 

*A Tamil word to mean doing something for the sake of it. 

First Crochet Project: Estelle Button Cowl by Fiber Flux

So, some people may know that I have recently taken up crochet, teaching myself the techniques and shit.

I had long since wanted to crochet something as a gift. What better chance for my childhood friend whom I am meeting after 9 years being apart?

Scouring the entire Youtube on a crochet pattern that a novice like me could do, I stumbled upon The Estelle Button Cowl by Fiber Flux. You can watch the tutorial video here.

Don't even get me started on yarn-hunting. I went high and low to get a yarn that'll be of a yellow-green shade to compliment my childhood friend's line of work - a United States soldier. I was hoping it'll give off a 'camouflage' effect.

It costed quite a bit - the yarn, but I don't mind. I haven't seen the idiot for a long time I am hoping the scarf would be well-maintained.

So..here it is!

Made a swatch to test my gauge and technique for the pattern.

Ball of yarn in all of it's unused virginal glory.

Me grabbing some balls because I am related to Azog the Defiler.

This particular yarn is a wool-acrylic combination.It eyelashes easily and it's ply's also comes apart easily. I wouldn't use this yarn again. A little rough feel on the skin but strong and durable nonetheless. 

Getting started.

Close up.

The colour-run is pretty.

Close up of the pattern.

First ball of yarn being used.

At this point, I have started a second ball of yarn.

One ball of yarn used up 27-28 inches.

And measures 7 inches across.

Site where yarn change had taken place. The straggler pieces had been weaved in.

2nd ball of yarn using up.

Finished product.

Close up.

More close up because I am a show-off.

This had been a fulfilling project. Very happy with how it turned out despite being a 6 month-old novice in crocheting. 

The Mother was jelly and made orders. Figures.